Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
