I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
