ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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