Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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