I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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