she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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