I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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