Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
