I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
