I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
