This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
