Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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