I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
