I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
