awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so let's talk penis.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
