You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
