So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
