I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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