if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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