We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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