God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
