I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
