Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
