i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
