She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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