your thong is hanging out like whoa
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
