Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
