Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
