With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
