Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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