We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
