Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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