Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
