so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
