shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
