Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
