Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
