My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
