my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
