and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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