if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
