Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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