sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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