We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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