I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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