I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
