Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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