did you get engaged???
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
