I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
wow bdsm is so cute
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
