So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
