matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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