My sheets look like a crime scene.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
