on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
