he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
