Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
