i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
