Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
