she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
